Kingsport Town
by andI'mstillinlove
Summary: Just a little oneshot for christmas, a bit of a rant in ff form, sorry guys, I have to vent somehow, Merry Late Christmas, hope it was a good one


A/N: Well hey guys, I should be updating Way with Words, but I'm alarmed at the shortage of christmas one shots. Most of you won't read it till tomorrow (day after christmas) but I'm making an effort here, Merry Christmas everyone, hope you guys had a good one and got everything you wanted, I got almost everything.

**Disclaimer: **Blah blah we know, just don't sue me ok? 

I sigh as I flip through the channels, landing on another re run of that Christmas show, you know, the one with the creepy stop animation clay figures and that weird looking Father Winter guy or whatever, can't tell you how many times I've seen that one these past couple days. My fingers are fidgety, and my leg won't stop bouncing up and down, and I find myself constantly looking at my cell phone, convincing myself that at the exact moment I look, it'll start ringing, and this entire wasted week of waiting will have been worth something, but all I find is a dim screen, time and time again. I can't help another sigh passing from me, my face permanently pulled down in a frown. I feel a small pang of anger pass through me, she always did this, disappeared for days at a time doing "business", and she promised, _promised_ she'd be back from wherever she was in time for Christmas. So I sat by, always mindful of my computer, watching for the flashing orange signifying an IM, and my hand always on my phone waiting for the call. Neither ever came, and I wasted my week, my Christmas Eve even, waiting for her to get in touch with me and tell me she was coming.

I'm the patient type, don't get me wrong, I've waited for many a thing in my life, and I'm used to the wait around lifestyle I've adopted for her, it just gets old. Here I am re-working my job and social life around her, and half the time she doesn't show up, making me feel stupid and naïve for believing she'd show up in the first place. I've had many of those "just leave her, your better off without her, this isn't any good for you you know" speeches, I could recite them word for word trust me. But something about her... I'm not sure actually, just the way I feel when she actually does come home is more then enough to make the long periods of waiting in between well worth it, from the way her hand always finds mine, to how our bodies fit perfectly together when we're just cuddling in the early hours, listening to each others breathing and heart beats. The waiting just gets so hard sometimes, and its times like these when I seriously question if she really did change, if she really is working on her new CD, or if she's just out partying and getting wasted, and maybe working on the CD just a little bit.

I feel ashamed when thoughts like those float through my head, but can you really blame me? Here I am, Christmas night, and not a word from Ash as my friends and family party and laugh together. Why don't I join them, you ask? Because of that stupid hope that she's going to walk in that door any second and sweep me off my feet like she always does, and I'm terrified of missing her. It's an irrational fear because she can just call me and let me know she's here, but my mind works in mysterious and confounding ways, making me stay, attached to this couch with so many memories tied to it, waiting and waiting, just like I always do. It all came down to this anyway; I missed her. It cut me as deep as deep could cut, and it was an ugly thing, stinging every second of everyday, and it was an excruciating pain, burning me from the inside out, I missed her, and no matter how many times she promised she'd come back, she never followed through, but I believed her nevertheless, because that's just who I am. And so, the hours felt like days, and the days crawled by like weeks, blending into nothing distinctive at all, except for the bright color of my hopeless faith in my girl.

I shake the thoughts as the all too familiar sting of tears threaten my eyes, and my vision blurs slightly, the salty taste creeping into the back of my throat. I finally throw down the remote and leave my post at the couch, walking into the backyard and utterly collapsing in the backyard, the tears running freely now, the stars up above, flashing almost mockingly at me. I remember she told me once that the light we saw was in fact millions of years old, and the stars you wished on, were usually dead ones. The cool air felt good on my suddenly hot skin, cooling my thoughts a bit as my breathing evened out. I felt the tug of the couch once again, and the inevitable waiting for another period of time, but I just didn't want to right now, the thought doing something not related to waiting appealing highly to me. It didn't really feel like Christmas, maybe it was the fact that it was LA, and it had barely dipped below 60 this last week, with blinding sunshine for the last several weeks. It was strange that I went from snow-clogged Ohio to bright n sunny California, I hadn't even noticed the lack of change with the seasons here until just now, the weather never anything but sunny with the occasional rain here and there. I had also forgotten how much I hated sun all the time. I was a rain girl, and I'd ended up here, go figure.

I look at my watch and dumbly note that its now almost 11, and another day of waiting has passed, leaving me exhausted from doing nothing. I lift myself up and shuffle back in to the house, now so empty and hollow, devoid of any life without her. I hit the power button for the tv before getting all the lights in the house, changing for bed, and brushing my teeth, the same routine for the last 2 months or so, and with little chance of changing significantly soon. I get into bed and glance at my clock, 11:11, making a quick wish (just guess what it is) before flopping back against the pillows in a too big bed in a too empty house. I drift off into a fitful sleep, darkness not taking me as easily as I hoped.

_Who's a gonna walk you, side by side,_

_And tell you everything's alright,_

_Who's a gonna sing to you all day long,_

_And not just in the night, _

_Who's a gonna walk you side by side,_

_Who's a gonna be my girl?_

My eyes open slightly, still clouded with sleep, and I can swear I feel someone's hands running through my hair as the voice continues to filter through my head. I groan slightly, hating my subconscious for subjecting me to these dreams again and again, bringing my hopes up before dashing them violently on large rocks. But wait... I felt the the hands cease and turn my head gently up, making me face the ceiling. My view of the white ceiling is obstructed by a face, but not just a face, _her _face. And it's beautiful.

Squealing, I quickly right myself, leaping onto her, my hands wrapping around her waist as I burrow my head into her neck, tears coming out of virtually nowhere as her strong arms snake around me, making me feel safe and enclosed. She's gently rocking me back and forth, "shh"ing me quietly, petting my hair again as I inch further into her, trying to get as humanly close as possible. I finally stop crying, but I have yet to let her go, and she has yet to stop holding me. I feel her move slightly and her mouth is next to my ear, her sweet breath making me shiver slightly.

"I'm sorry baby, we got held up, the mixers went down and we lost a couple tracks, I'm so sorry."

All of the thoughts I'd been harboring disappeared immediately, I was just relieved to have her here.

"It's ok."

"It's not though, I promised you, I'm so sorry."

I said nothing to that, the dreaded question creeping into my mind.

"So... when do you leave again?"

She goes quiet then, and my heart drops, and the tears re-appear. She turns promptly, untangling herself from me and leaving the room. I'm sure I can hear my heart shattering, I know I can. And it only hurts more. She suddenly comes back, holding something in her hand as she sits back down. She hands it to me, as I look at her bewildered. It'd be a bit late to be trying to buy me off with gifts. Sighing anyway, I hold up the CD to the meager light to read the cover, and drop it promptly. I can't help the huge smile, and neither can she.

"Merry Christmas, Spence."

I launch myself on her again, and I can't help the laughter that spills out.

"So your really staying?"

She laughs, brushing the hair out of my eyes and letting her hand rest on my cheek, leaning in to kiss me. Oh how I've missed those lips. She pulls back and leans her forehead against mine, her eyes shining in the moonlight.

"Nothing in the world could convince me to leave again."

I kiss her nose, almost crying from happiness, she was really staying. I see her yawn, her eyes struggling to stay awake.

"Did you guys just get in?"

She smiles sleepily.

"Yeah, non-stop from London, I'm exhausted."

I smile, kissing her forehead before wrapping my arms around her, putting her head down on my chest.

"Sleep, I'll be here when you get up."

I feel her grip tighten on me as she smiles into my shirt.

"I love you, Spencer."

"I love you too, Merry Christmas Ash."

I hear nothing but light snores as an answer and smile, if I had to wait all over again, I'd do it for all of eternity just to be like this with her for even just one night.

A/N: yeah, this kinda turned into a rant a bit, sorry guys, anyway, hope you liked it, Merry Christmas, peace n love.


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